Funniest Joke for 2,000+ points!!

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
 
There was this Amish Lady driving a Buggy. A Police Officer pulled the buggy over for having a rare tail light out. Once up to the buggy, he noticed a strap around the horses crotch. He told the amish lady to have her husband check out the tail light, and while he is at it have him look at the strap around the horses crotch. The lady said will do officer.

The Amish lady got home, and said to her husband, A police officer pulled me over today. The husband replied what for? The Lady said, he said our rare tail light was out, and he also wanted you to look at our emergancy brake.
 
anthonym said:
There was a Kentuckian fishing on his side of the Ohio River and a Hoosier fishing on his side of the river and the Hoosier was catching a TON of fish. Well, it was getting late and the Kentuckian hadn't even gotten a nibble. He shouted over to the Hoosier "Hey, how 'bout I come over there and catch me a few?"
So the Hoosier says "Okay, just swim across the river."
and the Kentuckian replies "No cause you'll just run away."
And the Hoosier says "Okay here. I have a flashlight. I'll shine the beam of light across the river and you can just walk across it."
And then the Kentuckian replies "No 'cause when I get half way across you'll just turn off the light and I'll drown!"
Ha. Not funny.
 
3 Kids are walking by a river,
They hear a man yell for help, it was George W. Bush.
The kids then go rescue him and Bush says they can each have whatever they want.

The first kid asks for 10,000$, Bush gives it to him
The second asks for a Ferrari, Bush gets him one.

The third boy asks for a wheelchair, George says "why do you want a wheel chair??"
The kid says "Because I'll need it when my Dad finds out whos life I saved.
 
An Indian is in need of a canoe, so he decides to make one out of human skin. He brings three guys into his teepee and asks them how they want to die. The first one says "Gimme a gun" so the Indian gives him a gun, he blows his brains out, and the Indian says "Nice nice......skin for my canoe."
The next guy says "I'll have the same." So he takes the gun, blows his brains out, and the Indian says "Nice nice......more skin for my canoe."
The third guy says "I'll take a fork". The Indian sits, confused, for a few minutes and finally gives him the fork, no idea how this is going to happen.
So the guy starts stabbing himself all over. In a minute he's got at least 800 or so holes in him and he's pretty messed up. Another minute goes by and the Indian, grossed out, says "What are you doing?"
The man replies "So much for your canoe."
 
(black joke but not racist)

How many black men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2, one to screw it in, and the other to drive the pink cadilac.
 
why did the woman cross the road?

better question is why is she out of the kitchen.







why do kitchens have a window?

so women can have a point of view
 
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